Monday, December 13, 2010


So now I am a trucker. I had romanticized visions of this far in my future but suddenly through a most interesting, unusual, and unexpected turn of events it has come upon me in this most unusual time of my life.

When I previously worked on Semis many eons ago I had romantic visions of touring the company in a semi with a life partner before having settled down with home and children. Later I had thought it would be something great to do with a spouse later in life post children. Now I am mid-children with the home and hearth no longer around me, declarations of love and longing feeling inadequate over my cellular phone, the service of which has been slightly but noticeably inflated.

It is what I imagined for the most part. The country is beautiful, the truck is a mechanical wonder (though in the shop entirely too much), the small quarters are soothing, and the lack of human din is satisfying and calming in a way I haven't been able to experience in a very long time. On the other hand is a rather unusual loneliness (not an emotion I often experience), anxiety anytime I am still, feelings of inadequacy on the home front, frustration on so very many levels, and above all the distinct knowledge of all that I am missing. The feelings of maternal inadequacies were present earlier but now have been transformed from monetary lacking, and general frustration with my desire for both contact and lack thereof, into knowledge of my personal vacancy and all the ramifications involved. At least the money is starting to get better, though painfully slowly.

All in all the family has coped far better than I expected. Cody is once again proving what an amazing human he is. Morgan is not quite as well though with all of her little social functions she is far better off than I was expecting, and only my horse is suffering the brunt of my absence with having only infrequent visitations from friends and only monthly visits from me. She seems in good spirits having a friend in a two horse pen, her beloved blankets, and extra grain. Toby could care less if he ever sees a human again. That hasn't changed and isn't likely to.

Cody and I have been forced into rethinking the home situation. His work load is slightly increasing but still is only barely covering the bills and we have thrown around several ideas from moving to Phoenix, moving to rural Missouri, and moving to a more affordable home in Denver. None have turned out to be the solution for us. For the time being we are staying right where we are. As expensive as it is somehow it is still the best situation for us. Plans for the future include land in the Ozarks or in Bluegrass country with many acres, Cody building us a house, and hopefully some of the extended family joining us at some point.

Annie and Toby are still close to the teetering edge of dropping off the family mountain as they are a heavy burden but hopefully they will continue to stay with us as my heart would be shattered beyond recognition were I to loose them forever. Annie is currently listed in several online classifieds for lease. I have had one or two inquiries but unfortunately nothing committed as of yet.

The dogs are doing well. Briggs joined me for my first run in the truck and though he was very cuddly, warm and loving, he was more of a pain in my @ss than anything. Max pined without him so he will not ever be joining again. At least not without Cody's help. Max magically transformed into a different being without Briggs, lost a few pounds (he didn't have many to loose), and generally freaked out the group at home. He is returned to his purely evil self but the glimpse into his unprovoked self has everyone looking at him and Briggs a little differently. Briggs is seen less as the perfect, angelic being, and more as "the sleeper". Max is seen less as the source of all evil and more as "Briggs' Minion". Go figure.

I will try to be better about posting now that my training is complete. I did spend 6 weeks on a truck with a Mexican National that was 10 years my junior and although not an entirely unpleasant experience the thought of spending more time in a 12 X 12 cubicle with someone who I don't know, don't understand, and most of all who doesn't understand me is something I hope never to experience again. He is now considered a dear friend and he checks up on me daily. I like that he checks up on me. From another state.

I do hope all of you are doing well. These blogs do always seem very self-centred and preachy, and although I suppose that is their main function it still makes me uncomfortable. I also hope that this has eased the many reasonable misgivings you all have about my new adventure. Though I am sure you all disagree with my lack of desire to finish the schooling previously started, do not like that I am gone from my daughter so much (I'm not fond of this either), and basically am vulnerable and unarmed (except for my pepper spray) in the rather dangerous world, maybe you will understand that this was the only job willing to give me a chance at all, school was requiring me to re-apply and was not guaranteeing acceptance, I am good at this and enjoy it for the most part, and I feel somehow "right" here even with the severe drawbacks. I am more than anything tired of my life being on hold until... blah blah blah. I like that it is NOW. I like that I can plan again for the immediate future. I like that I feel like I am contributing rather than leeching. I look back on my last 8 or so years and cringe for its lack of direction and forward movement. I look forward with drive and hope. I miss you all and will do my best to finally get on track, even if the track is not the one that was previously envisioned, and it goes in a rather unusual direction. And I still with the Carriage thing had worked out.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010


I'm in this one!


I am currently in school for my CDL (Class A license). This means I will be able to drive the huge machine you hate to get behind in rush hour. I am really enjoying it even though I have been rather terrified a few times. So far I am doing very well at shifting up and down, and I excel at parallel parking. For a little demonstration on shifting and turning here is a little video:
A parking and backing video should be available soon. Keep on trucking!

Saturday, September 18, 2010


Been spending lots of weekends with Cody and his planes. Several videos covering those adventures. Also I have a video of Toby. Morgan is back in school and I am doing some stuff that will be elaborated upon soon. For now I am excited that I will be driving Toby tomorrow as the replacement wheel arrived today. Yea!
OK. Here are the videos. I'm really to tired to be particularly coherent.
Toby Video
The Harvest festival at Cody's Flying Field
Cody's 3D Flying event
OK. Nighty Night.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010


I am now domestic. I resisted as long as I could but finally had to give in. It was a simple survival issue. I cook, clean, do laundry weekly, and complain about socks on the floor. It is very, well, annoying. I don't particularly like this change but as I am STILL unemployed there is little else to occupy my mind. I find laundry the most annoying. Mostly because the washer is in the basement and carrying the loads up and down the stairs irritates my already broken arms. I have started fantasizing about mechanical devices to move laundry up and down stairs or major remodels of the house we don't even own. I also find myself dreaming of when I am employed again and can afford to move and rent a house where my horses live with me, the backyard doesn't eat my tiny dogs, and I could park my car under a tree and not have it so covered in sap that I need to wash my hands after opening the door. I still love our little house but it definitely has some severe issues.

Beyond my domestic self Annie and Toby are doing extremely well. Annie is out in a huge group pen where she has many other horses to talk to and argue with. I had a lovely ride two days ago which proved that this set-up is definitely better for her attitude. The many teeth marks in her rump and sides has replaced the generous use of arm and whip power when in the saddle. She has resumed her mid-pack status in the world and apparently has reduced her challenging of the humans who ride her. The humans are much happier with this arrangement.

I am also working through more of the boxes of photos that Nana had saved for me over the years. She also granted me use of her multi gigs of pixel photos from her own hard drive files. Photoshop has been getting a lot of use. Now I just need a scanner. I am also trying to focus myself to start writing for real. I really want to write several books. Now if I can just focus myself. Yea Zoloft.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010


I'm in Phoenix for a week or two hangin' with the family. Mom showed me a couple of boxes of photos and I spent the day today scanning old photos from the 80s on. It has been a lot of fun and brought back some great memories. Here are a few I'd like to share:

Wednesday, July 21, 2010


Morgan has requested I post more videos. She is out of town and I think she likes to show off all the things she's been doing. I am heading to Phoenix here soon and as I have made several videos and haven't posted them I figured the kid had a point.

First is the Ernsberger video. They visited for a weekend thanks to Andrew's travelling Lacrosse tournament:

Next Cody's Super 77th video. We went camping with a bunch of RC fly-boys, the dogs, a lot of alcohol, and a ton (literally) of fireworks:

A recent visit to the Zoo by Christine and Me resulted in much loss of tension, and many photos and videos of some exotic animals:

Last is a video I made of all sorts of photos from the last few months. Titled "Kalos" for the Greek word for beauty, it is my view of the beautiful things in my life:

Soon another Annie video will be produced. She has unfortunately been somewhat neglected here lately as Christine and I are both working crazy odd jobs to make ends meet, or at least get closer to meeting. She has moved back into the group pasture though and has many horse friends with whom to share "people" stories with.

I still have no steady job though I have done a lot of painting for Cody. Luckily Cody is working pretty steadily. I do have prospects though. I am going to get my Class A CDL and might just work for a while (maybe a year) and get bills paid off and back on my feet. I have been put "on leave" from school rather against my will but seemingly for the better. Though bills have been unfortunately had to be pushed back I hope that being able to work for a while will result in a better future for all of us. Lawyers have joined my list of creditors but previous bouts of poor judgement will be rectified moderately over the next few years thanks to them. Enjoy the AV shows and please if you live in Phoenix give me a ring between the 28th and the 8th, when I will be suffering with you in the Phoenix heat.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010


It's 2:30am. (Scratch that. 3:30.) I worked 10 hours with Cody painting and finishing the closet-from-hell and then edited photos for 3 hours. *sigh* Tomorrow: job hunting continues. And more painting. Well, enough of my woes. I am here to post a few teaser photos for the upcoming videos. I have at least 3 that need to be made. One of the recent Ernsberger visit (featuring a lot of Lacrosse), one of the camping trip Cody and I took last weekend (featuring a lot of off-roading, RC Combat, and illegal Fireworks), and one of some really spectacular photos I've taken recently. I also need to make another in the Annie video series but as Christine and I have both been working out rear ends off and have put Annie on the back-burner so as to be able to pay things like rent and board I think that one will be last. She is doing well, though. Ornery, hormonal, and disliking of anything not involving bounding over obstacles, but well. (Hehe!) OK, off to the photos!! I will include several from each of the future videos. Hope you all are doing well!